I just finished some hummus and pita bread. (Yes, for breakfast.) I have a couple small pieces of baklava I can’t bear to see go to waste.
Downstairs I have lots of bacon, heavy whipping cream, eggs, broccoli, two boxes of baby kale, four avocados, some shredded cheese. You’d think most of that would be verboten if I want to lose weight – but no! I can actually have those things if I am doing keto, which is what I intend on doing. (Okay, so why don’t you just start now and throw that baklava away? Because if you had baklava from Gyro Delight, you wouldn’t throw it away, either. I’ve been fat for this long; I can wait for another half-day to stop sugar.)
So what pushed me over the edge? A few things. I’ve been just about to start this off a number of times recently, only to be thwarted almost as soon as I began. I admit I probably could have dealt with all of it and kept on, but I was a dummy and didn’t. So now I am.
Other things: my anxiety really hit me last summer for some reason. When that happens, I just prefer to remain indoors, with myself, quiet. Unfortunately, that meant I wasn’t out every morning getting ready for the 5k in September I always do. I’m stubborn, though, and I decided around mid-August to heck with it – I’m going to start training for the 5k! I’d already gained more weight than I’d realized, and wasn’t doing very well. At all. I think God decided to give me a reprieve in the form of a nasty upper-respiratory infection that weekend. Even then, I was still so intent on doing the walk it took me waking up that morning with a high fever and cloggy congestion to finally admit defeat.
Unsurprisingly, clothes that fit last year are so tight they are uncomfortable (not to mention unsightly!) or refuse to fit at all. In order to go for job interviews, I just had to hit Torrid for some slacks – and was a bit horrified when size 24 short needed to be ordered. The largest size I have in the closet is 20, and the zipper was so open at my belly I was afraid it might pull apart at the bottom. What’s more, I actually had to stop and catch my breath when walking from the car to the store. Twice! It’s only 0.15 miles from where I was parked to the front of the store. What a rude awakening for someone who has wanted to travel to do more 5k’s associated with marathons, and even branch out into 10k’s and half-marathons.
The past few months I haven’t been sleeping well at all. It might have been the second – and really awful – upper-respiratory infection I caught just before Christmas, but that’s been gone for about five weeks. Waking up after a deep doze and gasping for air as though I’m having an asthma attack (which I’m not) once or twice every night isn’t good for my health – mental or physical. Plus not getting enough good sleep hinders weight loss. I’ve been here before, and its name is sleep apnea.
Not only has my energy really been flagging, and my desire to just do anything sunk to almost nil, but now there’s pain again, too. My knees, especially, and that’s something I can’t abide. This past week my knees have been letting me know alll about what their opinion on my weight is. They don’t like the heft of the rest of my body bearing down on them as I climb stairs. Right now it’s just the stairs, but I know it won’t be long before it’s walking on a flat surface, too.
So what’s a girl to do? Either keep on the way I’ve been keepin’ on, and audition for My 600 Pound Life in a few years, or stop all this madness right now and make a U-turn, heading back down the numbers on the scale. Not to mention being able to sleep better, walk better, fit back into my clothing, breathe easier, and maybe even manage a slight jog this September.
Go me!
Me Take Three 